Stew Much?

I'm smoking my bong. I thought I might mention that. So I guess I'd like to thank the 3 million people that apparently care about my life. I just went over almost all of the pictures I have in my computer. Usually, when one goes over pictures, it makes them smile and remember whatever they where taking a picture of. Going through my pictures made me feel like I just went through pictures of dead relatives. I'm not like all emo-suicidal or anything but I feel like after looking at them I have that pit in the bottom of my stomach.

Now, people who might not know me might be wondering the following: "Why the FUCK would someone feel so shitty after looking at his pictures?" Well, for those of you asking, I have a real shitty answer: Because. The pictures of my friends partying, those are great. Alot of my friends are ridiculous, and so am I, so those are always cool to look at. But it's the pictures with my work truck, my car and stuff that reminds me I can't drive (shit) that almost even pisses me off when I look at them. I know, I think it sounds stupid too. Telling this to someone I'm sure they would say "Naw, that's not stupid". Yea it is. I can't stop mentioning it and I don't know why and that's probably getting pretty annoying to anyone I know but even if no one listens, I do feel a little better so that works. Believe it or not, I don't want people feeling sorry for me. I have no idea why this thing has rattled me so much. I mean, I loved my job. I know that and I completely loved driving so maybe I should be rattled? I'm probably just a pussy. I can't even listen to the local radio because it reminds me of it. In my truck I used to listen to it all the time and now hearing it makes me think about it. Damn FM waves.

My buddy noticed the other day that I was having an off one. When he asked me what was wrong I told him it had been a long time since I've seen the ocean. Now he told me the obvious. Take a trip. I don't actually want to see the ocean. I had a hard time explaining it to him and I never truly did get my point across. I still can't bring it to words I guess.

Now, this is all like, depresso and stuff and I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression. I'm not a depression case. I'm still pretty happy and all that and not depressing to be around (most days). I just spend alot of time stewing about this. I just came to a fucking revelation however. I should stop stewing. I kinda hate that word. The mental picture it paints for me is some guy sitting in a chair in an empty room alone "stewing". Ha ha ha, I'm not that bad at all so maybe that isn't the right word.

August 6th, 2009. That's when I get my licence back. I seriously can't wait.

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Now playing: Against Me! - Borne on the FM Waves of the Heart
via FoxyTunes