Happiness is not a fish you can catch

I've been drinking now, just a little too much. I typed the first part of that in Google. Sure enough, the second part came up too. I love that shit. Truth be told, I haven't been drinking a lot. Lots has happened since I last posted. It's been 613 days, 21 hours. At the same time, not a lot has changed at all. You ever catch yourself trying to do a 180 and you end up doing a 360? Seems to be fairly common these days.

If there is one thing that unites the human race, it is our common struggle. Struggle to pay bills, to put food in out mouths, to keep the ones we love comfortable. Even someone who has all the money or food or comfort in the world, struggles with at least one of those. I don't know about you guys, but I'm about sick and tired of that. A little sick and tired of struggling. Not like, "Oooo I want more money, I just want it to fall in my lap. And I want happiness, but no matter how drunk I get, I can't find it." No, that's not me. I don't mind working for money. I know happiness doesn't come from the bottom of a bottle. Money comes from hard work. That is law 9 times out of 10. Same with happiness. You have to "work" to obtain it. It does not fall out of the sky and you can't fish it out of a lake. There's a difference between feeling happy, and being happy. I think a lot of people mistake feeling happy for being happy. Not enough people are happy anymore. There are happy moments, even happy days, but I see a lot of good people struggling.


I was always taught that hard work is repayed with respect. Good things would happen to good people and bad things to bad people. Now, even as a child, I knew there was an exception to every law. I knew if I did good things, the good person fairy wouldn't pop out of thin air and POOF good things happen. I knew it didn't work like that. But is it so much to ask to get ahead a little? I'm not talking about myself here, I'm talking about most. I have to watch good people struggle every day. Worse and worse. You know what I mean too. You think, "jeez, they are such good people, that kind of shit always seems to happen to them". I'm starting to lose faith in the "happiness law". The good things to good people law. The only people I see on top, have cheated, scammed, and done bad things to good people. But where is this magical "karma" or whatever? Shouldn't these people be at the bottom? Shouldn't we be laughing at these people? Shouldn't they get their kick in the ass? No. I think they are laughing at us. "Look at all these assholes doing good things. Don't they know you gotta fuck someone over to get up here?". I don't think that is in me. I can't lie, cheat and steal to get to the top. Don't get me wrong, I'm not honest 100% of the time. I can't say I've never cheated or even stole. I just can't base my life on it. And I would like to think that that mentality alone would get me somewhere. The harsh reality of it is, it probably won't.

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Now playing: Poco - Keep On Tryin'
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15 hours, 4 minutes and 35 seconds

You cant stop or I will pass you, If you slow down I will outlast you. Can you make this this go faster? Almost there people. If you would, please put your bucket seats and tray tables in the upright position and do not get out of your seats untill the captain turns off the fasten seatbelt sign. I have 15 hours untill my summer begins. I wish I could look back and say "oh hell, it wasn't that bad", but I can't. I have missed alot of oppritunities, alot of good times and alot of driving BUT......lets not dwell on that. My trip across western Canada has turned into a trip to the ocean. My traveling partners couldn't quite afford the time off (understood). I plan on going south my first day on the concrete. Just a day trip to Q Town and hit one of my favorite resteraunts. I just hope all goes well at the DMV. I think this whole experience will make me a better driver. I still think the Graduated Licencing program is SHIT but we gotta deal with it. God I fucking hate ICBC. This time tommorow, I should be on the road.

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Now playing: The Black Crowes - Go Faster
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Forty Days and Forty Nights

Don't mess with the beast Mr. Hurricane. That means me too. Well, a fun-filled weekend and a sub-par 4:20. I think there is far too much hype for 4:20. Everyone has to go out and smoke an oz. of grass, lose consciousness and hang on for next year. The funnest part of my 4:20 was chillin in Kody's camper drinking beer. I've stopped smoking alot of pot. Sure I smoke a joint every once and awhile but I'm really trying to slow down.

Actually, all around I'm trying to slow down. There's so much more to life then people give it credit for. I know that sounds cliche but it really is true. So many people are so busy with everyday life, they don't slow down for a second and take it in. In the end, your only true actual possessions are your memories so try not to shade them with not so clear or rushed pictures.

Forty days, twenty hours, seven minutes and one second. I'll have ye olde license back then. I want to hit up the ocean and I have a friend in smithers so I'll probably head that way. I just can't wait to get out in the Prix. I don't know why but I find driving just an awsome way to fuck off and just think about stuff. It's real theriputic and I haven't been able to hit up old Dr. Road for a while. I would like to bring a couple of my friends for my first drive but at the same time, I wouldn't mind going alone. I'm just glad I don't have to wait until August now to do so. I've been doing better with it and now my only regret is not driving my big 'ol truck. I fucking love that thing.

Well, 6 million views and counting everyone! Till next time....

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Now playing: Beast - Mr. Hurricane
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This is the summer of George!!!

I'm a kid in a candy store, I'm a bull in a china shop. For the first time in months, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I feel regenerated. I called ICBC today. This usually ends up tragic but not today. Because of the subject matter of the call, I'll spare details. All I can say is the I get my license back 2 months quicker. You have no idea what this means to me. I would personally like to thank Leslie. She'll never see this but she's good people.

Through this whole thing, I haven't had one person at ICBC that has helped me. I was seriously losing hope. My major issue here was the me, as just another peon, couldn't do anything about my situation. More than anything I felt trapped. ICBC makes it so hard to "appeal" their decision to take my licence, I ran out of time before I could even appeal. To appeal the decision, you have to bring it to the supreme court of B.C. Now, being 20, I have no previous experience in this. I had to fill out forms written mostly in Latin (corpus fuck-offus) and serve them to the superintendent of motor vehicles. I called ICBC to see what I had to do and they sent my to the court house and said they would know what to do. The court house told me nay nay. I had to go to the B.C drivers licencing center and they had the necessary forms. So when I got to the licencing center, they told me I had to go to the access center in another building. Well you can imagine my surprise when they told me I had to go to ICBC. That was a huge fuck-around and I never did get to appeal it.

So now, being the summer of George, I have some major planning to do. ROAD TRIP 09!!! June 2nd, 2009. That's when I get my licence back and I seriously can't wait!

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Now playing: Barenaked Ladies - Bull in a China Shop
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Stew Much?

I'm smoking my bong. I thought I might mention that. So I guess I'd like to thank the 3 million people that apparently care about my life. I just went over almost all of the pictures I have in my computer. Usually, when one goes over pictures, it makes them smile and remember whatever they where taking a picture of. Going through my pictures made me feel like I just went through pictures of dead relatives. I'm not like all emo-suicidal or anything but I feel like after looking at them I have that pit in the bottom of my stomach.

Now, people who might not know me might be wondering the following: "Why the FUCK would someone feel so shitty after looking at his pictures?" Well, for those of you asking, I have a real shitty answer: Because. The pictures of my friends partying, those are great. Alot of my friends are ridiculous, and so am I, so those are always cool to look at. But it's the pictures with my work truck, my car and stuff that reminds me I can't drive (shit) that almost even pisses me off when I look at them. I know, I think it sounds stupid too. Telling this to someone I'm sure they would say "Naw, that's not stupid". Yea it is. I can't stop mentioning it and I don't know why and that's probably getting pretty annoying to anyone I know but even if no one listens, I do feel a little better so that works. Believe it or not, I don't want people feeling sorry for me. I have no idea why this thing has rattled me so much. I mean, I loved my job. I know that and I completely loved driving so maybe I should be rattled? I'm probably just a pussy. I can't even listen to the local radio because it reminds me of it. In my truck I used to listen to it all the time and now hearing it makes me think about it. Damn FM waves.

My buddy noticed the other day that I was having an off one. When he asked me what was wrong I told him it had been a long time since I've seen the ocean. Now he told me the obvious. Take a trip. I don't actually want to see the ocean. I had a hard time explaining it to him and I never truly did get my point across. I still can't bring it to words I guess.

Now, this is all like, depresso and stuff and I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression. I'm not a depression case. I'm still pretty happy and all that and not depressing to be around (most days). I just spend alot of time stewing about this. I just came to a fucking revelation however. I should stop stewing. I kinda hate that word. The mental picture it paints for me is some guy sitting in a chair in an empty room alone "stewing". Ha ha ha, I'm not that bad at all so maybe that isn't the right word.

August 6th, 2009. That's when I get my licence back. I seriously can't wait.

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Now playing: Against Me! - Borne on the FM Waves of the Heart
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Now I'm Pissed

Well, second post and I'm already pissed. That can mean alot but in this case I'm mad.

I lost my license recently. I'm still in BC's Graduated Licensing Program (just a fucking wonderful program if you ask me) and had 2 tickets and that means I'm not fit to drive on B.C roads. Believe it or not, that's not why I'm pissed.

Now, I drive a 5 tonne flat bed for a living. This is an extremely hard job to do with no license as I'm sure you can all imagine. I lost my job the same day I lost my license. Now the government, in these times of "economic crisis" is trying to keep people working. Well maybe give Jimmy the crackhead another chance, he only smoked two rocks on the job, we need to keep Jimmy working. And Bobby the thief? Well, that's theft under $1000 now so we'll give him another chance, we need the workers. But Julian the speeder?! Do not pass Go, do not collect $200 dollars ($183.47 once we get ahold of it) just go straight to jail. We don't want your kind in our work force. Trust me you haven't heard the last of this topic but let me end in saying this is still why I'm not pissed.

I applied for EI......UI?......EI?.....(whatever) on February 4th. If you can read a calender, or simply read, you can see that it is now March 16th the day I'm posting this. I still haven't been paid. THAT is why I'm pissed. I'm a smoker and the 'ol money jar is lookin a little empty. People are going to suffer. Now, numerous thoughts pass through my head. I could write a letter. I could make a phone call and bitch at someone who is filing their nails telling me how they "totally understand and there doing EVERYTHING they can to hurry up the process". I could go down to Naniamo with a loaded 30 odd 6 and let that do my talking. Now being Canadian and not American, I choose the second option. Only bureaucrats write letters. I got to listen how sympathetic Karen was and she would talk to her supervisor right away and see what they could do. Now, for Karen's sake, I hope she didn't do that, as she would be laughed out of his office with 4.7 million square miles of red tape and a pair of scissors closely following her with my file somewhere in the midst of it all. See you next year Karen. That was 6 days ago. Is a simple phone call so hard to ask? At this point even if there's nothing they can do which I'm sure there's not, I'd like to hear it. So I'll just sit here, moneyless in a shitty job market with no mobility and try to "expand" my options.



Feeling sorry for me yet?
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Now playing: Theory of A Deadman - Hate My Life
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Hello and Youtube...Grand Opening

Workin hard to get my fill...everyone just wants a thrill. I don't mean to get all whimsical on you on my first post but there it is. Actually, it's not all that whimsical. That's Don't stop Believing by Journey. Good words I think. I've been listening to that song a shit load lately ever since their performance at the Superbowl. Now I called this whole thing Cyanide, Sweet Tooth, Suicide. I realize it's a Shinedown song (and a good one) but I don't necessarily take it right from the song. I don't mind Shinedown but not enough to name my whole life or brand new shiny blog after it. I just think it's relevant to say that even if it is incoherent.

One thing that I need to bitch about (I'm sure there'll be alot of this) is the YouTube, WMG debacle. For those who don't know, which I'm sure is the normal part of the populous, WMG stands for Warner Music Group. The Warner Music Group owns the rights to, from what I've found out, a HUGE percentage of the music out there. As anyone who knows YouTube knows, other peoples music is a huge part of individual videos. By other peoples music I of course mean copyrighted music. I love YouTube for that. Now this wasn't a huge problemo about a month ago but recently, alot of my videos have been flagged for copyright infringement. In all of the dispute cases, i saw the same name at the top of the page. "Your Video, may have audio content that is owned or licenced by WMG". Now I'd like to get one thing straight. I'm using these songs in slide shows of my friends and what-not like that. I'm not using it for profitable gain or putting it on there so people can download the song instead of buying it. It's just on there cause the beats go with my pictures. That, however, is beside the point. WMG had an agreement with YouTube before where they would just slap advertisements on the video and take the profits from it. This was working just fine for awhile but now all of the sudden there has been a disagreement between YouTube and WMG. I'm not clear on all the details but I see this tirade of banning videos as WMG's "fuck you" to YouTube and the video uploaders are suffering.

I was having a conversation with my friend Kody earlier and we were talking about YouTube. I got a comment on one of my videos. I'm not sure exactly what it said but the gist of it was I was a retard, I suckled at life and I was a cocksucker. This would piss alot of people off and at first it pissed me off too. But then I thought about it for a second and started writing him back. I told him I love YouTube. I love it cause you can watch something that someone has obviously put work into and might not even be that bad and proceed to not only make fun of their video; but their family, their country, their sexuality and their mental state of mind. I love the power of Anonymity.

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Now playing: Journey - Don't Stop Believing
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